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Adoption Not A Simple Method
by Robert Lambert
http://www.staradoptions.com

Many women tend to build a career for themselves and then
find that for one reason or another they don't become
pregnant when they are in ready and the well laid plans go
terribly wrong. The next step is often IVF and if that
fails we look at the possibilities of adopting.

Over the past ten years, however, the whole adoption
rationale has changed. It's quite normal to have contact
with the birth mother at the time of adoption and whenever
the child wants contact throughout its life. This puts an
added stress on the adopting parents and has put off many
people who see themselves as unpaid foster parents rather
than having the total parental commitment that they had
hoped for. The birth mother will be given alternatives and
the chances are that they will have to approve you! It's a
far cry from putting your name on a list and waiting for a
newborn baby to be born.

For some people, knowing the birth mother can help to ease
the tension which could arise between themselves and the
child. It gives the opportunity to be prepared for any
questions that will inevitably arise. If, however, this
does not appeal to you, it is possible to find some
agencies that organise completely closed adoptions. The
problems are that they are difficult to find and you can
wait a very long time for a child.

As the authorities in most countries like to keep children
with their natural mothers for as long as possible it means
that children can be bounced between mother and foster
parents or care homes on many occasions before a final
decision is made. This inevitably means that the children
will suffer.

The result is that many of the children who are up for
adoption are quite damaged, mentally and physically. A
three year old can be far more 'street wise' than we would
normally expect and can challenge even the most experienced
of parents. You need to think if you could manage two or
even three siblings if they were offered to you! On the one
hand they would be company for each other and could make
life easier, but on the other, they could gang up against
you and make your life hell.

Whatever you decide upon will cost you and you'll find
that there's a wide variation from agency to agency and
from country to country. It's quite possible to by-pass the
agencies and tackle the project independently but be
warned. There are lots of unscrupulous people who can
charge you large sums for no returns so it could well be
worth having an agency who are experienced and will support
you.

An increasingly popular method of adopting is looking at
children from other countries. There are many areas of the
world that actively encourage adoption and have a huge
choice of children which means that the waiting times are
shorter and the outcome is more certain. The drawbacks may
be if you are a single parent or if you're older. Very
often the costs will be less than adopting from your own
country but they may well vary depending on the number of
back-hands you will need to give. Beware of all the
paperwork that can be doubly confusing because you probably
won't be able to understand it! You definitely will need an
agency to help you.

Make sure that the child is checked medically and you are
aware of any problems. It's quite likely that s/he may be
undernourished and not as forward developmentally as
children of the same age in our country but these are
things that can rectified with TLC.

Fore warned is fore armed, so read everything you can so
that you are ready to take on many awkward departments!

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