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Help! My Child Refuses to Attend School!
by Dr. Noel Swanson
http://www.good-child-guide.com

"My nine-year old daughter has started to dread going to
school. She always has a head or tummy ache, and ends up
missing two or three days a week. When I tell her she has to
go, she acts as if she's truly afraid, and cries and
screams. We don't know what to do."

You need to be firm with her. Don't count on the problem
going away if you ignore it. She could end up not ever going
back.

At the same time, recognise that her anxiety and distress
are genuine. Getting angry at her will not work.

She may have one of three conditions that you need to
determine: school phobia (fear of going to school),
separation anxiety (fear of leaving you or your home, or
agoraphobia (fear of crowded and public places).

If it might be the first, check if she is being bullied,
teased, embarrassed, or abused at, or on the way to, school.
Work closely with the teachers to identify and deal with any
problematic situations.

Take her to the doctor for a complete physical examination.
Tell the doctor the whole story and ask him to rule out any
serious illnesses.

If he doesn't find anything, then believe what he says.
Don't ask for more tests and assume that your child is
healthy and should be in school. Be firm with her and at the
same time reassure her that you will both be fine when she
gets to school. If she still claims to be sick, you can
either:

Option one is to tell her she has to go to school. Of course
if she shows symptoms of real illness, you would keep her
home. Simply "not feeling good" isn't a good enough reason
not to go. Adults go to work with headaches and other fairly
minor ailments.

The second option is to take her word for it and act
accordingly. Since she is ill, she should be in bed. Turn
off her lights, close the curtains, and don't allow any TV
or special snacks. Just go about your daily routine and
don't give her any attention. Make sure that being at home
is as boring as can be. If she can't sleep, then she should
work on her studies. Don't allow any visitors.

Establish some incentives for her to go to school. Some kind
of reward or privilege would be in order.

You must be tough and firm, but also calm, about all of
this. Be clear that you expect her to be at school, but do
not get into a fight with her about it. The goal is for her
to want to get back as quickly as possible. Once there, and
she discovers that nothing does happen to her or to you
while at school, the symptoms of depression and anxiety
should rapidly resolve.

If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a
serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional
help through your family doctor.

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